


Three holes

by Finleythefox



Series: Dream team but you're horny and it's very, very cursed [4]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: :hollow:, Help, More plot, Other, Part 4, Smut, Teakettle - Freeform, Teakettle literature, turning this into a pwp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:14:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29793147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finleythefox/pseuds/Finleythefox
Summary: George, Sapnap, and Dream find a two-spouted kettle...
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Kettle
Series: Dream team but you're horny and it's very, very cursed [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142468
Comments: 22
Kudos: 41





	Three holes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheFuckFables](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFuckFables/gifts).



> ahahHAHHAHA I WENT INSANE WRITING THIS. LONGEST KETTLE FIC? Snowflakes actually wrote most of the smut, I disappeared for some time and they went 'fuck it'. We have "bonus scenes" at the end so check those out.  
> Enjoy?  
> ALSO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THEFUCKFABLES! WOOO BIRTHDAY ON THE 6TH THIS MONTH WOO
> 
> Y-you know, my birthday's on the 30th, if anyone wants to do something- hehe, don't worry about it. 
> 
> Enjoy the thing that killed my sanity.

The frigid wind blew Dream's hair out of his eyes, creating an involuntary shiver to ripple through his body. 

He exhaled white condensed air, blowing into George's face with a tinge of amusement lacing his face.

"What the fuck Dream, blow your nasty breath fog at Sapnap, not me."

Dream barked a wheeze, clutching his knees as George and Sapnap continued down the sidewalk without him. 

"Hey wait up!"

George and Sapnap snickered as Dream caught up to him with his absurdly long legs that the two other men make fun of him for.

They had decided to go out for a walk in their snowy town after being cooped up in quarantine without fresh air and grass that all their fans tell them to touch. They had on masks and various layers of garments to shield them from the harsh air already nipping at every bit of their exposed skin. A different amount of jackets wrapping them up due to the differences in areas they were born in. Dream and Sapnap wear 5 coats while George only wrapped himself up in 2 extra layers, leaving the Americans wondering how he’s not completely frozen.

They had wandered around, bouncing from store to store, just browsing, not exactly looking to spend any cash.

Sapnap gasped and pulled George's arm back, harshly yanking him back to one of the shops they had passed. Dream paused and watched them as they huddled around the glass display of an antique shop, blocking whatever they were giggling about. Sapnap stuck his head out and gestured for Dream to join them with a mischievous smirk on his face.

"Look! I found something you'd like~"

George stifled a laugh as he nodded his head.

"Y-yeah Dream, you'd love it-"

Dream grumbled, stuffing his freezing hands into his pockets and walking over to the pair, curiously flowing over his pride.

His eyes roamed around the display window until he found what they were laughing at, Dream just sighed and gave them a tired look, clearly not the reaction that they wanted.

  
  
“This is what you find so funny?”

In the display, there was a sale on antique china and silverware, and spotlighted in the middle, was a two-spouted teakettle. Sapnap and George made a brief exchange of eye contact before doubling over in laughter, sinking to the snow-covered ground

Dream remained silent as his partners continued to laugh, unamused by what they found hilarious. 

“What are you guys suggesting? You want it to fuck me? … Why not?”

George’s laughter cut short as he stared up at Dream incredulously. Out of all the words the boys had expected to come out of Dream, that sentence didn’t even cross his mind.

  
“W-what?” George stuttered, standing up.

“You heard me.”

Sapnap had stopped as well, gawking at Dream. 

“You want to fuck it?” Sapnap questioned, adding himself into the conversation. 

Dream thought it over but shook his head.

“No, I was thinking you guys could fuck it.” The blonde simply states with a smirk.

Sapnap and George both had started to stare at Dream as he stared at the kettle with a newfound glint in his eyes.

“I-I mean, doesn’t sound that... bad.” Sapnap shifted nervously as he clutched his arms, the wild picking up again.

“Why am I dating you two?” George hid his face in his hand as he held the shop door open for them.

The trio was greeted by a wave of warm air and the musty smell of dust. A cheery old lady sat behind the register. Her face was a cheery smile, beckoning the men to come over to her counter. 

“Hello, boys! What brings you into my small store?”

The three stayed silent until George spoke up. 

“Do you mind if we bought the kettle in the display window?” As George spoke, the old lady’s eyes seemed to flicker a slight rage but her demeanor stayed calm.

“Of course! And since y’all seem so sweet, I’ll give you guys a discount!” She winked at the boys, as she made her way to the display.

Sapnap wandered off, leaving George to run after him, making sure his clumsy boyfriend didn’t break anything.

The lady came back, eyes narrowing, noticing that Dream was the only one standing there. 

“Where are your friends?” Her words rolled off her tongue, a certain quality in her voice catching Dream’s attention.

“They decided to explore, I guess. Do you take credit?”

The old lady clicked her tongue. “I don’t usually, but I’ll make an exception for you.”

Her eyes twinkled with a mischievous glint that went unnoticed by Dream, whose attention had been caught by his phone blowing up with Twitter notifications, where George and Sapnap were fighting about who was more clumsy.

Dream whipped his head around, trying to find where the fuck his boyfriends had gone. A clattering came from behind one of the shelves. He sighed and turned back to the old lady, who had packed the kettle up and watched him in interest.

Dream flashed her a nervous smile as he handed the money over. She counted it up and put it into the register before turning back to look at Dream, who thanked her.

“Don’t thank me as yet, dear.”

The two stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Dream turned to leave. 

“Thank you..” He stared at her name tag for a second, “Lil!”

Dream walked out of the shop with Sapnap and George in tow as the old lady watched them walk away.

___

Dream shook the snow off his final jacket as he hung it up on the coat rack by the front door of their house. Sapnap and George lounged around in the living room, teakettle resting on the coffee table, the sunlight swimming through the blinds creating a glint on the ceramic, almost taunting them. The two spouts were positioned east and west of each other, a purple floral design trailing around the body of the kettle.

“So… We going to start?” Dream tentatively asked, leaned over an empty armchair as he stared at his partners. 

“I mean- w-we can…?” George confirms, nodding in conformation more for himself than anything else. He hesitantly picks up the object, cradling it like it would bust into a million pieces at one small squeeze.

The brunette leads the others to their shared bedroom, the single-file line they had created combined with the way George was handling the porcelain in his hand would make any outside think that one was about to be sacrificed to please some kind of tea God.

As if they were trying to confirm the thoughts of any onlookers, Dream rushed in front of George to open their bedroom door so the other two could easily walk through the threshold and get to the large bed.

“S-sure?” George stood up and picked the teakettle up, keeping it at an arm's length. The three shuffled to their room, staying silent.

Once in the bedroom, they started to strip down and Dream got the lube out and eyed George and Sapnap, who seemed entranced by the kettle.

The three of them sat on the bed in a triangle, with the teakettle in the middle. 

“How do we do this?” Sapnap asked, scratching the back of his neck as he glanced at the other two.

“Why don’t we just start with putting it in George, you, and then... I’ll… fuck the kettle?” Dream nonchalantly said, picking his nails and not daring to make eye contact with the other two, who mumbled responses in agreement.

Dream uncapped the lube, squirting some out into his hand. George gulped and turned around, positioning his ass to face Dream. 

Dream slid a digit into George, who arched his back and writhed in pleasure, the anticipation of the touch clawing at him for hours beforehand. Sapnap watched in amusement as George came undone with one finger. 

Dream stuck in 3 more, enjoying how George moaned heavy breaths every time he hit the right spot. After some stretching, Dream figured enough was enough and pulled his fingers out, reaching for the teakettle. 

He lubed the spout and stuck it into George, eliciting a cry from the shorter male. Dream pushed the kettle spout to its hilt and let go of it, the kettle sticking out of George's ass, shaking slightly from George's shivers.

Dream turned to Sapnap, who was desperately trying to cover up his boner, ashamed at how much the sight of his boyfriend being used by a tea kettle turned him on.

"Aw, look at Sapnap, getting off to the fact his boyfriend is getting his ass torn apart by a kettle." Dream teased, the uncomfortable tension in the air subsiding for a minute as the blonde gazed at him like a predator looking at his next meal.

Sapnap blushed a crimson red as Dream slithered up to his side. 

He whispered into Sapnap's ear. "Get on your elbows, baby~"

Sapnap did as he was told, bracing himself for he was usually the one doing the fucking in these situations. Dream noticed the slight hesitation in Sapnap's movements and gently rubbed his back, non verbally telling him that everything will be okay. 

The blonde lubes up a few fingers, a much more generous amount applied than where he prepped George. With a soft kiss to the small of the raven-haired man's back, Dream slowly sank his finger into the man's entrance. 

Once he got to his second knuckle he leaned down to comfort the man below him.

“Are you okay?” The taller whispered into Sapnap’s ear, leaving light strokes up and down his back. Sapnap nods after a second of adjusting, giving Dream the go to push his whole finger in. 

In the time that Dream was slowly pumping in and out of Sapnap, George had adjusted himself to be able to place his hand on the vulnerable man's head, softly petting his hair in comfort. 

Dream smiles to himself, remembering how much they truly love each other before speaking again.

“Are you ready for another one baby?” Dream coos to the panting boy, he nods with a whimper, wanting to be filled more.

The blonde fulfilled that need, instantly inserting a second and third finger and pumping slightly faster. He thrived in the lewd sounds spilling out of Sapnap’s mouth, only making him go faster before spitting at his hole for more lubricant and slamming in his third finger.

“Oh, fuck!” Sapnap screamed in ecstasy, throwing his head back in a mix of pain and pleasure. The taller smiled at the response, now moving his fingers around to find his sweet spot.

“Yes! Right the- Right fucking there!” He moaned with his tongue rolled out in pure bliss.

‘Found it’ Dream thought to himself as he continued to aim for the spot that makes him scream.

After another couple of minutes of rapidly thrusting into Sapnap’s hole, he takes out his lubed fingers and leads George with his hips towards Sapnap and carefully slides the spout into the used hole.

Both men moan as the kettle bottoms them out, the frictions bringing more pleasure to both of them. Dream sat upon his knees to level his cock with the top of the kettle as he gently took off the top and placed his attention-deprived dick into the tea kettle, groaning deeply at the friction.

The precum spilling from the blonde’s cock made it so there was no need for any lubricant before he ruthlessly fucked into the kettle's hole, moaning lowly with finally being able to fuck something.

As Dream thrust into the porcelain in their ass, it jostled in and out of them sending delicious movement to their prostates as well. 

The anticipation of the events and the power of the pleasure had all three men on the brink of orgasm in so time. The taller noticed how uneven the backward thrust was coming from Sapnap and George so he reached around them and took their dicks in each of his hands, pumping them at the same speed he was fucking the kettle.

Sapnap was the first to cum, screaming in ecstasy as white ropes coated dreams hand, his chest, and the cotton sheets below him. Hearing the explicit sounds coming from the youngest made George’s climax come next, making more lewd noises as he came, riding out his orgasm while he was still in Dream's hand.

Less than seconds later, Dream was throwing his last thrust into the hole and spilling over, coating the inside with his hot liquid, rolling his eyes at how dirty it felt knowing that George and Sapnap were still attached to it.

“Fuck~” Dream grunted, pulling out of the kettle and falling back onto his knees.

The three laid in a hot, sweaty mess, gasping for air. Eventually, the trio got up and cleaned themselves up, leaving the _used_ kettle on the bed. 

As soon as the light switched off, the kettle started to vibrate, shaking while cum flew outside of it.

A voice spoke, seeming to have come from the kettle.

“ _Fools. How dare they use me as a sex toy.”_

The kettle then started to laugh hysterically, tipping on the edge of mania.

“ _Soon, vengeance will be mine.”_

The kettle tipped over as Sapnap walked back into the room, the cum flowing out of the kettle’s holes. Sapnap looks around and quickly makes his way over to the kettle, sliding his face under the holes, drinking the cum.

“Sapnap!” The youngest heard George yell from across the house.

“Coming!” The boy yelled back, gently placing the kettle back on the bed.

“ _Ew, fucki- what, gross. I’m going to murder that boy, first chance I get._ ”

______

My thoughts in this scene:

“S-sure?” George stood up and picked the teakettle up, keeping it at an arm's length. The three shuffled to their room, staying silent. (AAAAAAAAH HELP ME ALL I ENVISION IS SOME PEOPLE LIKE HAVING A RITUALGSRAJADKSJGDS I CAN'T WRITE THIS)

Once in the bedroom(FUCK ME I DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE THEM SEXING), they started to strip down (MY SHAME OH GOD) and Dream got the L U B E out (edit that sorry, I'm having a FUCKING stroke writing this) and eyed George and Sapnap, who seemed entranced by the kettle. (HELP ME I JUST REALIZED WHAT I WRITE IS FUCKING BULLSHIT)

Snowflakes alt scene:

Dream uncapped the lube, squirting some out into his hand. George gulped and turned around, positioning his ass to face Dream. 

Dream starts to sob hysterically, he gently places his eyes to the brim of the kettle and lets them drop into the porcelain. George and Sapnap see the actions taking place and decide to join him. 

Now three men sob horridly into a 2 spouted tea kettle, onlookers sob with them as they see the depressing sight. 

It's a pyramid scheme of sobs, everyone is crying at this point. 

Why did Dream want to fuck his two boyfriends with a fucking tea kettle? Why did this start? Why would God place these ideas on the earth?

No one shall ever know, all we know is the overflowing tears in the tea kettle.

**Author's Note:**

> https://discord.gg/VjPwpsMwrG  
> Please? 
> 
> Also! My beta reader, Lil ( Snowflake ) wrote something! It's a fluff/angst mix where it centers around immortal Dream falling in love with mortal George time and time again. If you'd like something to make you cry, I'd suggest this and please shower them with love in the comments >:)  
> [Here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29699568)


End file.
